I’ve been waiting to see what I want to write about honestly. For some reason, I felt like I had to have this perfect post. Like the recipe has to be just right, the concept has to be popular or the photos have to be perfect.
Then this morning, I just had the thought, knocked me back like a Mac Truck.
“Look,” My inner self said, “If you’re waiting for everything to be perfect then you’re going to be waiting a lifetime, because nothing is ever going to be perfectly perfect.”
That felt to me like a push. So here I am typing and waiting to see where it takes me. For the past couple days I’ve been thinking a lot about being a Wife, a Mama, and a homemaker and what that actually means. Especially since reading a post centered around feminism over on The Transformed Wife’s blog.
Okay, so here it goes.
I am a Bible believing woman. Our household believes in and follows God and the Word to the best of our ability.
I also was raised in a home with two working parents. I do believe that if a woman can raise the babies, keep the house, be there for her husband and still find a way to contribute to the household income then she should. My mother has been in the education field since she was pregnant with me 30 years ago. She loves it. My father is at the top of his field running a cotton plant. He loves it.
However. There are several things that I remember growing up and if I can avoid these things then I wish to. A few of those things are.
- We almost always had a back up of laundry. I mean, a very nice size laundry room slam full of work to be done on the weekends.
- There was almost always a build up of dishes, even with a dishwasher.
- My Mom brought her work home with her very, very often. As a teacher she was often in her study grading papers, working on lesson plans, or working on school work to earn the next degree that would advance her career.
- While I applaud my Mom for being so steadfast in her work and I love how successful she is in her field, being a “teachers kid” wasn’t always easy – I actually got teased and picked on for it very often in school.
- My Dad worked nights for a long while. Meaning he was coming in most mornings while we were heading off to school. Then he would be heading out to work as we were sitting down to dinner. I remember missing him a lot during these times.
- My Mom was almost always tired every evening and usually not in the best mood. This meant that getting her help with homework ended in a fight almost every night.
- Weekends were for housework and Mom spent time working on school work.
- Many Sunday morning services and/or evening services were missed because there was too much work to catch up with before Monday.
Now, these are just a few points that I remember. That’s not to say that my upbringing was all bad, it wasn’t!
One thing I remember most about my Mom being a teacher is that she kind of inspired me to want to teach. I was never that strong in Chemistry, so that dream kind of fizzled out when I got an F in Chemistry my first year at University. But, if I had become a teacher, it would have been in big part because of my Mom. I loved helping her sort out goody bags, organize projects, be her tester for classroom games, help with Field Day, or when I was a bit older, I really enjoyed helping her proof-read papers or grade tests. She always made teaching look so… breezy. I know that’s an odd term to use but, her students loved her and she had many teacher friends. My mom had one best teacher friend we went to meals with often and who even babysat my sister and I on more than one occasion. This same friend just attended my baby shower for Girl last year! Heck, my first legal drink was on my 21st birthday with my Mom and about 4 or 6 of her teacher friends in Myrtle Beach for a SCIRA conference! HaHa. How many people can say that!
Oh! And let’s not forget about having every holiday and 3 whole months off during the summer! Those were pretty fun, a lot of traveling happened in those summers that we probably would have never afforded if my mom didn’t work. Not to mention the nice big home I grew up in since the age of 12. We couldn’t have built that home on only one income, I’m sure.
So, anyway – just in case it isn’t very obvious – I have a very split view on the whole feminism thing.
For example, if a woman is single and she has not met anyone who she wants to marry or who wants to marry her and she decided to enter the workforce mainly to support herself as many women do, then surely she should be treated fairly compared to the men in her field. But, if she eventually did meet a man and decided to get married, then I would hope she would want to focus on raising her family even if just for the season of life when her babies are little. They don’t stay little for long. When the kids start pre-school, maybe she could find a way to make an income part time. Oh, I honestly don’t know all the answers and I don’t claim to. Right now, me staying at home kind of works for us. It’s tight sometimes, especially with the ridiculously high rent here in the U.K. But, we’re trying.
It does say in the Bible that women are to be the home makers and men are to be the money makers. Not verbatim of course but pretty close. Being at home, taking care of the babies and keeping things running is just as important as a man keeping his job and being able to provide for his family. However, some households can’t survive this day in age on one sole income so, then what do they do?
I feel like, as long as we believe in Jesus, believe that He is who He says He is. If we believe in what the Word says and try our best to live the way it says we should, then I do NOT for a second believe that we as women would go to hell for having a job or a career.
I digress. So, should married women work?
I think if the married couple agrees that it’s in the best interest for the wife to work, then she should. Or, she may actually have to work if they want to have a roof over their heads. If a wife does not work, I don’t think she should just piddle around the house doing much of nothing. She should have set things to do. For example, planning the weekly meals, washing sheets and bedding on Friday’s, keeping up with laundry, cooking, dusting, wiping down the surfaces that get used daily including the bathroom mirrors! Keeping the home nice is a big deal, especially if you ever have company that likes to come around with little notice. Have a hobby, maybe try to make an income from this hobby. Once kids come, they should be your main priority after your husband, then everything else falls into place. Spend your time reading marriage books or parenting books, no one knows exactly how to manage it all from the get go. Be self motivated to learn more and to live the best Christian life you can. Be willing to grow as a person, especially if you are newly married and looking to become a Mama. There are so many tools out there to help you learn. If you want to learn anything you have to study it, ask questions, be open to the answers, read, work on growing.
Women should work – hear me here – If. They. Have. To. If your family can thrive minimalistically on one sole/main income then do so. If you need a hobby to bring in a couple hundred a month, then do so. The Bible says not to be concerned with the things of this world, but you do have to be concerned when it comes to your family. Live within your means, make meals stretch, learn to cook more and eat out less, etc. Sometimes, the wife/mom simply has to help with the income.
It may make life a bit harder, our husband and kids may crave our attention a bit more even though we’re exhausted, we may be way more stressed than we need to be, housework may build up, weekends may be for housework instead of family and church time, BUT I don’t believe we will go to hell for it.
Whew! Right now that’s about all I can think to say on the matter.