By law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him. So then, if she has sexual relations with another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress if she marries another man.
Okay. So here is the thing. I do not see myself ever re-marrying. I just don’t think it’s in the cards for me. If my husband were to die, I would find a way to carry on but it would not be by remarrying and tarnishing our relationship and/or memories. Right now, being together 7 years and married for 4 years, this is how I feel and I don’t expect it to change. I know a world of difference will take place over the next 20 years, heck over the next 10 years. But no matter when my husband passes, I do not ever see myself remarrying. Honestly, I selfishly hope he won’t pass until long after I do so that I won’t be faced with living without him. He is much stronger than I am and I feel sure he’d be alright.
I know one thing for sure if he goes before I do, I certainly will not be going out there and acting like some kind of…well, hussy.
I quite literally wish I could just smack some of the women out there who act this way, especially the older women who are supposed to be guiding and teaching the younger women. Ugh, “Makes me so mad I could just spit” as my Grandmother would say. I find this kind of behavior to be incredibly rude and embarrassing at any age.
This verse I put at the beginning of this post is about as plain as it can get. Once a woman’s husband dies, she is free to remarry. However! She is NOT free to just sleep around and do as she pleases. The law and sacredness of sex is still for the confinements of a marriage. One man and one woman. If a woman doesn’t remarry, then that’s that. She doesn’t run around throwing herself into every mans arms who flexes a muscle or throws a wink in her direction. No.
A woman who has sexual relations with another while her husband is still alive is an adulteress. If her husband dies and she marries another man she is not an adulteress. It doesn’t say if her husband dies then she’s A-OK to flirt around and sleep with everything that moves. Nope. That is not okay.
Therefore, not wanting to remarry does not mean that I will be out there running wild and acting a fool. That is not the case at all. I have two babies who depend on me and when they’re grown with their own lives (in 18-25 years!) then ideally I would spend my days gardening, maybe own a bakery or a coffee house, be busy in the church, and who knows, maybe this blog will take off and I’ll be writing here for the rest of my years! Who Knows. My point is this – I will not be a grown 50 something year old acting like an immature 20 something year old hooligan with pink hair and dressing inappropriately. And I have no intention of seeking someone out to fill the void that there would most definitly be if I ever lost my husband. No one ever could.
Whew, so where is all this coming from. I’ll tell you.
Over on the Transformed Wife’s blog, who’s blog I am loving by the way, there is a blog post around the topic of women being taught not to depend on a man. She also expresses that young widows should remarry and have more children, I’m not so sure about that as you can tell. In the comments of that post, a man who calls himself Blair wrote about a woman who needs to find a new husband in the event that her current husband passes. He says, :
“I may just be a dumb ole country boy but I have a novel idea as a solution for that.
A woman committed herself to following God’s word?
A woman chose to fully love her husband and children?
A woman chose to keep her vow to only have sex with her husband?
A woman managed the home wisely?
A woman actually cooked, baked, sews, cleans the home?
A woman actually helps and supports her husband in his mission in life?
If a woman was like that and her husband died, don’t you think she would readily find another man who would gladly accept such a treasure of a woman?”
His post continues to talk about how he gets hit on by married women, offered things that “no woman should be doing” and just on and on. Go on and read it! Part of his opinions are in the comment section below his original comment too.. Go on, I’ll wait…
Okay, so… Wow this struck a cord with me.
Maybe this “type” of a woman could find another man to marry if she wanted to, but I don’t think she should just marry the next thing that walks by. I believe that if her husband passes away, her priorities should be to raise her children, earn an income the best she can and be supported by her family and her church family in any way they can. This is where I believe that it’s okay if a woman doesn’t depend on a man. I don’t think a woman who’s husband passes away should be working all hours of the day and night, shoving her kids off on grandparents or a babysitter all the time, especially if she has young children. They will need their Mama now more than ever. Family, friends, the church, anyone who can offer her support – should do so. Maybe bringing over casseroles every so often, not just the week after her husband passes. Maybe offer to watch the kids one day so she can go grocery shop in peace, or if you have kids of your own and can somehow relate to her then reach out to that widowed Mama, go to the park or offer to bring her some coffee, and just be there to listen if she needs to talk there are many different ways that many different people can help and support her.
Once the children are in school, maybe she could find a job that works with her hours or maybe she can blog or start a YouTube channel. This day in age a woman can support herself if she needs to. I believe a widowed woman supporting herself and her children financially is better than her just going out there and trying to lock down a walking pay check to support her and her late husbands children.
Oh, I may have just rambled too much but hopefully you get the gist. After all, this section is called Homemaker Ramblings, so you knew what you were getting into!
As for me, I do not believe I will ever remarry if my husband passes before me. Is this just me?